This sad little girl is a part of me. We have been friends forever. I'm the only one who knows she exists & why she is so sad. I understand that she had great hopes in life, & that she feels she could never accomplish them. She's sad cuz she's alone & ignored. Even I ignore her. Let's face it, everyone is much more comfortable with happy, smart-mouthed Sassy, no one wants to have anything to do with a sad Sassy. No one. Not even me. So I buried her down there deep. Told her she can be sad all she wants, for all I care. Just don't effect my life. I'm not ready to deal with you, & I don't know if I ever will be. Ever. So, she stayed pretty far away, kept her distance pretty good. She watched me graduate from university, she watched me fall in love, & she watched me have my babies & get married. She never said a word, or shed a tear. She let me live my life & tried to stay out of the way. BUT she's sick of it know. She wants attention. She wants answers. She wants to know why it has been okay to be allowed to be sad for this long...and you know who she wants her to help her with this? ME. FREAKING ME. I don't want to do this right now....am I not busy enough raising two toddlers & trying to keep my marriage going?? But she insists it has be dealt with now. She wants me to somehow integrate the saddest part of me into my happy life...and it scares the hell out of me. If I am being honest though, I know I have to. It's the only way I will be able to live a complete & happy life. That's what I want more then anything in the world....to live a complete & happy life...so I say bring it on sad Sassy, let's work this out. I'm ready if you are.
Monday, 26 September 2011
Sad Sassy
I am a happy person. But someone lives inside of me & has for years
This sad little girl is a part of me. We have been friends forever. I'm the only one who knows she exists & why she is so sad. I understand that she had great hopes in life, & that she feels she could never accomplish them. She's sad cuz she's alone & ignored. Even I ignore her. Let's face it, everyone is much more comfortable with happy, smart-mouthed Sassy, no one wants to have anything to do with a sad Sassy. No one. Not even me. So I buried her down there deep. Told her she can be sad all she wants, for all I care. Just don't effect my life. I'm not ready to deal with you, & I don't know if I ever will be. Ever. So, she stayed pretty far away, kept her distance pretty good. She watched me graduate from university, she watched me fall in love, & she watched me have my babies & get married. She never said a word, or shed a tear. She let me live my life & tried to stay out of the way. BUT she's sick of it know. She wants attention. She wants answers. She wants to know why it has been okay to be allowed to be sad for this long...and you know who she wants her to help her with this? ME. FREAKING ME. I don't want to do this right now....am I not busy enough raising two toddlers & trying to keep my marriage going?? But she insists it has be dealt with now. She wants me to somehow integrate the saddest part of me into my happy life...and it scares the hell out of me. If I am being honest though, I know I have to. It's the only way I will be able to live a complete & happy life. That's what I want more then anything in the world....to live a complete & happy life...so I say bring it on sad Sassy, let's work this out. I'm ready if you are.
This sad little girl is a part of me. We have been friends forever. I'm the only one who knows she exists & why she is so sad. I understand that she had great hopes in life, & that she feels she could never accomplish them. She's sad cuz she's alone & ignored. Even I ignore her. Let's face it, everyone is much more comfortable with happy, smart-mouthed Sassy, no one wants to have anything to do with a sad Sassy. No one. Not even me. So I buried her down there deep. Told her she can be sad all she wants, for all I care. Just don't effect my life. I'm not ready to deal with you, & I don't know if I ever will be. Ever. So, she stayed pretty far away, kept her distance pretty good. She watched me graduate from university, she watched me fall in love, & she watched me have my babies & get married. She never said a word, or shed a tear. She let me live my life & tried to stay out of the way. BUT she's sick of it know. She wants attention. She wants answers. She wants to know why it has been okay to be allowed to be sad for this long...and you know who she wants her to help her with this? ME. FREAKING ME. I don't want to do this right now....am I not busy enough raising two toddlers & trying to keep my marriage going?? But she insists it has be dealt with now. She wants me to somehow integrate the saddest part of me into my happy life...and it scares the hell out of me. If I am being honest though, I know I have to. It's the only way I will be able to live a complete & happy life. That's what I want more then anything in the world....to live a complete & happy life...so I say bring it on sad Sassy, let's work this out. I'm ready if you are.
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2 comments:
There is no greater release than to let it all out! I hated my mom for a very long time, feeling sad about what happened to us as kids. I wrote about her, blaming her and pretty much just bashing her. And then I went back the next day, read what I wrote and said, that's not what i intended, i needed to say what I was hurt about, blame her for allowing it and then had an epiphany and delted that post, wrote a new one about her---you can read if you like:
http://torijean.blogspot.com/2010/10/standing-beside-her.html
I realized that my anger needed to be let out and then I needed to stand beside her. I have had a better feeling about her ever since and am no longer angry. I've grown and I think you will too! I can very much relate and hope you can reveal everything here on your blog, grow, be happy and change for the better...you will; i have hope in you! xoxo
Oh Sassy sad and happy! We all have that part of us that is hard to bury. It's great to acknowledge the 'sad' is there and learn to understand why before you can truly pull that 'happy' out and express that part of you all the time. I'm glad you're ready :)
xoxo
Katie
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